Friday, August 12, 2011

Jess, WHERE THE HELL HAVE U BEEN?

Hello Ladies! I am so sorry I left you all. I missed you all so much. I was going through a very tough time in my life and now things are starting to get back to normal and I finally feel like I have some time to do what I love.

I really consider all my followers like my best friends. I have amazing people that I have hooked up with through this blog and I know some of my followers have been worried about where I have been and what I have been up to, so this post is explaining all that.

Since I was 16 I had the same boyfriend, I am now 27 years old. We have been together for 11 years, we bought a condo together and created a home. For the past few years, he has been expressing to me how he feels like he has lost his individuality with me and how he would like some space away from me and the relationship from time to time. That was hard for me to grasp because we always did everything together but being with him was more important to me, so I tried to adapt to what he wanted while still being in a relationship. Every year after that, he would grow more and more distance from me, telling people I was his room mate or best friend and not claiming me as his woman. This upset me A LOT, he told me not to worry about it because he just does not like "labels" and we know we are together and what we are. I still felt I did not deserve that, but I went along with it, again for the sake of the relationship. He never wanted to get married or have kids, but for some reason I thought he would grow out of that or that I would be enough for him to finally want it. Yes, he did tell me he did not want marriage or kids, but honestly when we got together, I didn't either.

In December of 2011, I became VERY depressed from the stress of school and quitting my bank job (which I got due to BS in Finance) and down grading back to the nursing home (which I made less at) because my bank job would no longer work with school schedule. I took the spring semester off from school to focus a bit on me and refocus on my life. I also went on depression medication, which helped me a lot. I started losing weight due to the medication I was on and I was not eating as much due to feeling depressed. At the same time I was focusing on what I loved the most, make up and my blog. My make up skills were improving and I was branching myself into dying my hair and highlighting (which you know if you have been following my blog for a while) These hobbies were really making me feel better and losing the weight really helped too, so I was slowly starting to feel better. My boyfriend was taking me feeling better as I was cheating on him or that something weird was going on. It became a huge argument. After I reassured him I was not cheating on him, he believed me and said "good, well now I guess I can tell you I made an appointment to get a vasectomy" I was floored! A WHAT! I do want kids and he knew that I was thinking about it. We argued about this for days.

A few weeks after that incident, I was upset because he had not touched me in about two weeks. I asked him why and we got into a very serious conversation about how he is no longer in love with me. He loves me like family and he needs a break from me to find out who he is without me and that he thought it was good idea if I did the same thing because we have been together for so long. I asked if that meant we are broken up and he said YES, but he would to continue to be friends with me. Now this is where it is complicated, I am a VERY A or B type person and I ALWAYS told him if we ever broke up, I would never be his friend and once we are done, we are DONE, I do not go back and I mean that.

I was devastated that we broke up, I spent weeks crying and not eating (I lost 18 pounds in a month) and I wanted to keep my home because I loved my condo. He told me I could stay there and I tried but he was to involved in what I was doing and where I was going. How was I suppose to move on, when he is still trying to act like we are still together? So I left and stayed with my best friend's mom, till the apartment I found was ready. I have to say I have the most AMAZING friends, they are truly my family and helped me move out of the condo, to a storage lot and then to my apartment. They helped me move TWICE! No one likes moving and I appreciate them so much for helping me through this hard time. I honestly do not know if I would as level headed as I am right now if it were not for them.

I am now living on my own, with my own apartment and I now feel amazing. I am very happy and back on my feet. I still need to organize my makeup and I can not wait to show you all a tour of my lil place. I am proud of myself. I had been through hell and back with this situation, but I have met amazing people in the process and I have found out what a strong person I really am.

I already have some makeup pics to post for you all soon. I just bought the UD 15th anniversary palette and the MAC MSF in semi precious pearl..lol...I know I am so behind on the makeup collections because I did not have the internet for about 2 months or so, BUT I did pick up MAC Asian Lilly Flower which I was told was new!! YAY me..I'm getting back into it..lol

That is a VERY brief summary of what went on. I know this is only my side and I am sure I am at fault for many things in the relationship as well. I am not trying to bash my EX in any way shape or form. I honestly wish him the best in life and I want him to be happy like I am right now

I MISSED YOU LADIES SO MUCH AND I MISSED BLOGGING AND CHATTING WITH YOU ALL.

THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR YOUR SUPPORT AND STICKING WITH ME> IT MEANS THE WORLD TO ME, IT REALLY DOES

If you have any questions, feel free to ask, you ladies are my friends, so if you want to know something just ask!

LOVE
JESS

19 comments:

Pollyanna said...

Oh, I'm SO GLAD to see you around again! You really went through it, honey. That's wonderful that you're happy, on your own, and strong now. Bless your heart and welcome back! xoxo

Jessi M (Lacquered, Painted, Polished) said...

Wow, I can't imagine how amazingly strong you are. I am in awe of how you managed to survive this. Like you, I have been with my boyfriend since I was 16 (I'm 24 now). We live together and do everything together. Right now neither of us wants kids. I'm kinda worried it will change for one of us, probably me, but I guess we'll have to deal with that if/when it comes. I have been with this guy all of my adult life and the latter part of my childhood so I'm afraid I don't know how to be an adult on my own. I'm terrified of what will happen if our relationship fails. But knowing that you were able to be so strong has helped me a lot. Thank you so much for sharing your story with us. I'm glad you're back as I have missed your blog posts! And mostly I'm glad that you're doing better. :)

Sarah S. said...

I am so glad you are back and getting on your feet again. I know how difficult such a breakup can be... such a long relationship, it's like divorce. You are so strong and inspiring! I'm just a follower but you should know we are your friends, we support you! Hugs!

MissBrittanyBoo said...

There were so many times I wanted to email you to find out where you had been! I checked your blog often, but no new posts :( I thought, Ok, I wont bug her- she come back when she has time.

I'm sorry you had to go through all that- but I'm glad you are feeling better, stronger and HAPPIER!! Everyone deserves to be happy. Congrats on your new place, cant wait to see pics and new posts :)

Brittany

Aro said...

*huggles*

Robyn said...

I'm so glad you're happy now, and I'm proud of you for being so strong. Just because you were together for so long, don't feel like you've 'wasted' yourself on him. You've moved on now... so glad you're okay :)

Make up now? :D

Amalia J said...

You are amazing!! You are such a strong person. Thank you so much for sharing! I had a feeling something like that was going on. I quit my blog too (permanently) for pretty similar reasons. I cant wait to see your new apartment!!

froggistyle73 said...

So glad to see you back!! I am also glad that you are feeling better. I couldn't imagine going through all you have.You just never know how strong you are until you are put to the test. (((hugs))) I can't wait to start seeing regular posts from you again :)

The Peach said...

I was wondering what happened to you. I know life gets busy from time to time, but I didn't expect you were going thru all of this! You are such a strong person! I'm so glad to hear you have a positive attitude right now! We are all here for you! Make sure you are taking good care of yourself and we can't wait to see more posts from you when you get back into the swing of things!

Mandy said...

Missed reading your blog sooooooooooo much Jess! If i could I would give you a big hug! Good on ya for getting back up on your feet and moving forward! Can't wait to see the new place :)Take care of yourself sweetie!

make-me up said...

Hey hun you should be so proud of yourself for going through what you went through & coming out of it happier & also braver for sharing your story with us. I was really worried about not seeing a post from you in some time but am now happy that you are back in the blogging world :) if you ever need to vent or just feel like chatting you know were always here :) xx

KayKay said...

first of all, jess im so glad to see you are back. second, you are such a strong women to go through all of this and now being able to stand on your own two feet with your own apt and feel great. i miss you and your makeup pix and cant wait to see new posts. stay strong xoxo
ps & theres always retail therapy =D i know summer is almost over but if your up to planning a day sometime soon let me know

Starryskies214 said...

Girl, I was really worried about you! It was not like you to stop posting with no explanation! I'm so glad that you are physically ok. I'm really sorry that you went through such a hard breakup. I know it's hard to understand why things happen at the time they're happening but I know that there's a reason that all of this happened and it's definitely in your benefit. I'm glad you're back and feeling a bit better!! I missed you!

Marie said...

Hi Jess,

Thank you for sharing and I am glad that you are back on your feet. I don't know the whole story but I am sure of one thing: YOU DESERVE BETTER!:D

***** Marie *****
allthingsmarie.com
$100 Shopbop Gift Card International Giveaway!

Noniek said...

Wow, read your story has touch me! I'm glad that you are back on track and recovery!
Looking foward to reading you next blog post espc that UD 15 anniversary ;)

http://summer-noniek.blogspot.com

Mz. More said...

So sorry to here about all of this but so glad to hear you are doing better. Continue you be strong!

Makeup By LisaMarie said...

I;m so sorry for your breakup and having a tough time. I honestly couldn't imagine!! I've been with my Hubby since we were 17 and we've had our rocky times but for us it only got better as we aged. With that said I'm glad you found this out now before it was 20 years later!! Some people just grow apart because people do truly change as they age!! Also I understand completely about not really wanting to be friends, for me I just don't think I'd be able to handle seeing my EX with someone else after you've spent so many years together. Well you are an amazing Beautiful Women and when you are ready someone else will come along!!! Glad you like your new place!! Can't wait to see some new makeup looks!!
xoxooxo

Liz (Beauty Reductionista) said...

My goodness. I read the whole thing with horror. I'm so glad you have some solid people around who helped you through it. His loss. Welcome back!!!

babie5665 said...

I too wondered why you were no longer blogging. I am a follower and i would check out your blog on a daily basis. I am so glad that you are getting through this tough time in your life. Take it day by day. Always know that you are beatiful and dont let anyone make you feel less. Lift your head up high and tell that loser exboyfriend that the best thing he has ever done for you was leaving you cuz now you can open your heart and find someone who will truly appreciate you. I wish you well and hope that you continue with your blog. I wish you happiness and great success in your life. Stay strong.