Jess, WHERE THE HELL HAVE U BEEN?

Hello Ladies! I am so sorry I left you all. I missed you all so much. I was going through a very tough time in my life and now things are starting to get back to normal and I finally feel like I have some time to do what I love.

I really consider all my followers like my best friends. I have amazing people that I have hooked up with through this blog and I know some of my followers have been worried about where I have been and what I have been up to, so this post is explaining all that.

Since I was 16 I had the same boyfriend, I am now 27 years old. We have been together for 11 years, we bought a condo together and created a home. For the past few years, he has been expressing to me how he feels like he has lost his individuality with me and how he would like some space away from me and the relationship from time to time. That was hard for me to grasp because we always did everything together but being with him was more important to me, so I tried to adapt to what he wanted while still being in a relationship. Every year after that, he would grow more and more distance from me, telling people I was his room mate or best friend and not claiming me as his woman. This upset me A LOT, he told me not to worry about it because he just does not like "labels" and we know we are together and what we are. I still felt I did not deserve that, but I went along with it, again for the sake of the relationship. He never wanted to get married or have kids, but for some reason I thought he would grow out of that or that I would be enough for him to finally want it. Yes, he did tell me he did not want marriage or kids, but honestly when we got together, I didn't either.

In December of 2011, I became VERY depressed from the stress of school and quitting my bank job (which I got due to BS in Finance) and down grading back to the nursing home (which I made less at) because my bank job would no longer work with school schedule. I took the spring semester off from school to focus a bit on me and refocus on my life. I also went on depression medication, which helped me a lot. I started losing weight due to the medication I was on and I was not eating as much due to feeling depressed. At the same time I was focusing on what I loved the most, make up and my blog. My make up skills were improving and I was branching myself into dying my hair and highlighting (which you know if you have been following my blog for a while) These hobbies were really making me feel better and losing the weight really helped too, so I was slowly starting to feel better. My boyfriend was taking me feeling better as I was cheating on him or that something weird was going on. It became a huge argument. After I reassured him I was not cheating on him, he believed me and said "good, well now I guess I can tell you I made an appointment to get a vasectomy" I was floored! A WHAT! I do want kids and he knew that I was thinking about it. We argued about this for days.

A few weeks after that incident, I was upset because he had not touched me in about two weeks. I asked him why and we got into a very serious conversation about how he is no longer in love with me. He loves me like family and he needs a break from me to find out who he is without me and that he thought it was good idea if I did the same thing because we have been together for so long. I asked if that meant we are broken up and he said YES, but he would to continue to be friends with me. Now this is where it is complicated, I am a VERY A or B type person and I ALWAYS told him if we ever broke up, I would never be his friend and once we are done, we are DONE, I do not go back and I mean that.

I was devastated that we broke up, I spent weeks crying and not eating (I lost 18 pounds in a month) and I wanted to keep my home because I loved my condo. He told me I could stay there and I tried but he was to involved in what I was doing and where I was going. How was I suppose to move on, when he is still trying to act like we are still together? So I left and stayed with my best friend's mom, till the apartment I found was ready. I have to say I have the most AMAZING friends, they are truly my family and helped me move out of the condo, to a storage lot and then to my apartment. They helped me move TWICE! No one likes moving and I appreciate them so much for helping me through this hard time. I honestly do not know if I would as level headed as I am right now if it were not for them.

I am now living on my own, with my own apartment and I now feel amazing. I am very happy and back on my feet. I still need to organize my makeup and I can not wait to show you all a tour of my lil place. I am proud of myself. I had been through hell and back with this situation, but I have met amazing people in the process and I have found out what a strong person I really am.

I already have some makeup pics to post for you all soon. I just bought the UD 15th anniversary palette and the MAC MSF in semi precious pearl..lol...I know I am so behind on the makeup collections because I did not have the internet for about 2 months or so, BUT I did pick up MAC Asian Lilly Flower which I was told was new!! YAY me..I'm getting back into it..lol

That is a VERY brief summary of what went on. I know this is only my side and I am sure I am at fault for many things in the relationship as well. I am not trying to bash my EX in any way shape or form. I honestly wish him the best in life and I want him to be happy like I am right now

I MISSED YOU LADIES SO MUCH AND I MISSED BLOGGING AND CHATTING WITH YOU ALL.

THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR YOUR SUPPORT AND STICKING WITH ME> IT MEANS THE WORLD TO ME, IT REALLY DOES

If you have any questions, feel free to ask, you ladies are my friends, so if you want to know something just ask!

LOVE
JESS